Believing and Knowing

I gave a Reiki session today. As always, 2 distinct forces playing out in my awareness. The first force, utter knowing about the power of Reiki, actually began earlier this aftenoon, long before the client showed up, when I was looking through a Reiki book for other information and saw a symbol that I hadn’t used for awhile. I knew that I needed to use this on the client and I kept drawing it on myself and in the Treatment room all day. Something–the energy, the guides, the client’s own self–called me before the session began to make sure that the right tools were available. Then, when the session started, it was absolutely clear to me that not only was Reiki going through me, but that the client’s guides and angels were in the room with us, directing and managing the flow of energy. It was utterly clear and profound that we were surrounded by Divine Energies and all I had to do was get out of the way and let the energy work, hold my hands and make the movements they guided me to. Their presence was as real to me as the massage table the client lay on.

The other part of me was in the room thinking, ‘this is insane. This person is paying me to wave my hands around her body and I’ve hypnotized myself into thinking something is happening.” That same questioning voice also doubted me,’who are you Abby to think you can do this; other people can do Reiki, not you.” And so on. I had to quite consciously remind myself of other feedback I’ve gotten, other times when I’ve known the energy to be on. I was so distrustful, dis-believing of the entire experience.

It showed me, again, the difference between knowing and believng. There is a part of me that knows Reiki works, that knows when guides and angels are present, that knows that what is happening in a Reiki treatment is far more than me waving my hands in the air, that it is an act of healing.

Then there is the part of me that believes in Reiki. That belief can be shaken, manipulated, put at the mercy of my Critic or into the service of my ego. It quite frequently thinks that Reiki is magic. I have learned not to pay any attention to my beliefs about Reiki, to let the voices talk and ignore them. Belief is too often no more than an act of will, how we hypnotize ourselves into thinking the world is what we see. How many times have you, or me, or someone we know said, “I do (or don’t) believe in that,” as if their (our) beliefs on anything–suntanning, Christianity, capitalism, psychic readings, taking vitamins–are what make those things true or false, as if they only come into or out of existence through our attention and the quality of our certainty.
One of the reasons I love Reiki is because it does allow me to sidestep my beliefs, my ego self that has decided that the things of the world have certain meanings, some true, others false. With Reiki, when I’m practicing it, I get to put down my control freak nature and let Spirit work through me. I get to actively–and yet passively–participate in mystery.

And, I get to know, with utter clarity, that angels and guides are present in our lives. Maybe one day I’ll even start believing it.

It did help that the client loved the session, felt the energy moving immediately, and scheduled a follow up appointment for next Monday. Belief loves worldly reinforcement.